Now me English isn’t up too much so the bestestt fracking way to read this is with An Australian Accent. Pretend you’re me!!!
Strewth mate!!! I’ve only gone and fell on me feet yet again! I’ve fracking found Gold in Pilbara, Australia! Fracking God’s truth, scouts honour dib dib dub…. I’ll tell ya the story in a few minutes but first let me have a ‘Yabber‘.
Now I didn’t get where I ‘AIM’ today by talking ‘Cobblers’ or ramping stocks as I flog me shares and fool the numbskulls who’ve got ‘Kangaroos loose in the top paddock’ with tall tales…. I’m a World Glooobal CEO. Famous and responsible for the worlds biggest onshore oil discovery at HorseyHill in the Weald basin (UKOG) I was the Geezer who discovered the Gusher and gushed so much that the ‘Pomme’ AIM regulation team recommended me for a Knighthood-wink, after all I’m the CEO who put the whole shebang together! Yep’ folks this is gonna supply you Pommes with enough oil for the next 30 years…. In fact it’s 4% of ya energy needs for decades. This is gonna get me an invite to a garden party at Buckingham Palace! Now not only that but I’ve discovered one of the biggest lithium finds in the whole of the world with not one but two of me Global Players (BAC) (REM). If I don’t get a Knighthood-wink from the Pommes then I’ll be ‘fracking’ writing to that ‘Sheila’ Prime Minister of yours… I’m keeping ‘Stum’ at the moment as the ‘Greenies‘ are all over me ‘Clacker’ mooching at me share and warrant sells. I’ve not sold a ‘Bloody’ single share and that’s the Fracking ‘Strewth’….. I’ve got plenty of ‘Moolah’.
Was only saying the other evening to me ‘Muckkas‘ over at Optiva, who’re trialing my medical cannabis, from another of me Global World companies (LGC) how lucky I am. “Ya make ya own luck in this business” said Christian as he hit the sell button on his Angus Energy Broker warrants. Run by me bestest buddy JT. (ANGS) “Too bloody true Blue” chimed in Ritzy as he asked Donny Strang was there any Director vacancies over at another of me World Leading ventures Afriag, (AFRI). Ritzy skidaddled from Lenigas Oil (LGO) which is as you know is “Floating on oil” , so he’s got some spare time on his ‘Mitts’ as another one of me World Gas/Oil plays SOLO has gone a bit quiet. I’m currently feeding the whole of the ‘Bloody’ African continent, cause lets face it these Africans need help sorting out their agriculture. There’s one thing I’m a world leading discoverer and expert on apart from Gold, Oil, Hotels, Gas, Diamonds, Tourism, Cannabis, Telecommunications, Airlines, Silver, Rare Earth Minerals, Gas Boilers, is Agriculture!
Why I recall sitting ’round the ‘Bush Telly’ having a few jars of ‘Grog’ wiv me Jermyn St ‘Soldiers’ cause me throat was as dry as ‘A Dead Dingos Donger’, when it hit me right on me ‘Bonce‘. I remember tending the garden digging ‘oles and planting daffodils at me offices 34 Parliament Place Western Perth Australia, (back in the days before the Aussie TV crews ABC1 showed up), how hard can it be? I can grow ‘Veggies’ and feed the Africans. Job done! Me being a shrinking violet, who doesn’t court the Fracking media, legged it from Aus’, quickly scarpered and pitched up in ‘Blighty’. I mean ‘Holy Dooley’ how lucky was me ‘Stone the crows’ I only come up with a real ‘Beaut’ and get involved wiv the World’s Leading Gas Boiler (INSP). It’s been the story of me fracking life I always seem to fall on me ‘Plates of meat’. That other ‘Sheila’ Madge will be installing one of me World changing boilers at Windsor Castle as soon as I get to have a ‘Yakity Yak’ with ‘HerMaj’ at the garden party…. Fracking hell I might even be able to get her on the board of one of me world global conglomerates..
Shy by nature. I was abandoned under Ayres rock when a ‘Nipper’. Managed to survive till the age of 3 by eating leftover ‘Tucker’ from a pack of Dingos until rescued and adopted by Aborigines from the ‘PumpyDumpy’ tribe. As a member of the PumpyDumpies I’m sworn under secret and tribal oath never ta speak about it on camera or within earshot of a microphone. I tried to teach this to a Pomme mate of mine Stevio from HorseyHill, sadly the lesson wasn’t learnt…. That’s the first ‘PumpyDumpy’ rule NO1. Learnt on me first ever walkabout in me ‘Budgie Smugglers’ with me fellow ‘Bonzer’ tribesman Pete Landau, Mick ‘many names’ Shemasian, John Stratton, Paul De Robillard and me dearly departed ex business partner the great Brett Kebble whose now sat at the left hand side of the Big Fellah up in the blue sky watching over his fellah tribal brothers. We’ve been Lucky Barstarrds…
Every time I ‘YakkityYaks’ with ‘Pommes’ I always need to explain how business in the Bush works, ya can’t run a company on ‘Bottletops’ believe me ya can’t run a ‘Facking’ Yacht moored in Monaco next to me Big House on them either. Neither can you buy properties in London, Aus’ and around the f**king world or stay at the Dorchester and fly 1st class stuffing ya gob with Ferro Roche as ya go to Cuba playing the ‘Didgeridoo’!! ‘Bottletops’ just don’t do it!
Being a Global leading CEO philanthropist I only ever flog a few shares from me multitude of ‘Bonzer’ World Leading Global companies just to help the ‘Jackaroos’ get a few more, cause lets face it mate, I’m noooo.. ‘Jackaroo’ and me shares are like lottery tickets, every one of ’em is a winner. So it’s only ‘Fair Dinkum’ that I distribute the wealth amongst the ‘Numbskulls’ by flogging off a few ‘Scratchys’ , only a few mind! I never sell me ‘valuables’ into the liquidity that some unscrupulous ‘Crims’ create by telling ‘Whoppers’ on social media and the News at 10. No Siree…. David Liargas keeps his own fracking counsel. Not a fucking peep out of your’s truly!
I was only saying to me ‘Pomme’ mate Andy Dingaling that he should take a leaf out of me life ‘Jackanory’. “Refrain” I told the fellah.. “Tone it down, screeching like a ‘Sheila with a sore ‘Fanny Pack’ and a ‘Two pot screamer’ that there’s “Billions I tell ya Billions of Barrels of Oil In the Weald”. There’s plenty of howler monkeys out there on the BB’s, without you adding to the din!” Says I! I’ve had over 140 World Global leading companies notched on me belt. I’ve been blessed by God cause as we all know he’s an ‘Aussie’. “Big Dave” he said to me from behind the burning ‘Barbie’ as I was grilling a unicorn steak “You are the chosen one”. With that HE bowed down then give me a ‘Pasher’ on me left cheek. From that day on me luck changed. There’s one thing that really rips me up is that I’ve never got so much as a thimble full of gratitude from No10. That’s all about to change as the whisper is that there’s a life peerage in the ‘Crimbo’ honours list, ‘Lord Liealot’. Now keep that in ya ‘Bonces’ and don’t say a fracking word!
‘Rightio’ Lets get down to the latest ‘Jackanory’ all fracking true as sure as I’m breeding unicorns in Queensland…….
This is a real ‘Ripper’ and I aint talking Jack! A mate of mine was flying his chopper. Hang on stop there!! He’s not a mate I’ve never ever meet the ‘Bloke’ in a stretch of Sundays. Completely totally accidental, remember I was kissed by God and when ya blessed by HIM strange things are the norm.
Jonny Campbell a total stranger to me, borrowed his mates chopper and was flying over Pilbara counting cattle, cause that’s what we Aussies do when we can’t sleep we fly out in our choppers and count cows! Any ways JonnyC just so happened to see some rocks with a few ‘oles in them so being a nosey fooker, like you would when you see rocks from thousands of feet in the air with ‘oles in em, he’s lands the chopper to go an’ take a look after all ‘oles in rocks who knows what could have been going on…… Would you Adam & Eve it, kicks a few rocks over and finds a fist full of gold nuggets! What a strike of luck! You couldn’t credit it!! How lucky was that? JohnnyC comes back, with is mates on their ‘Bikkies’ like ya would after finding the worlds biggest gold strike, and every weekend he and his mates bag $5,000-$20,000 dollars in gold nuggets! Furkkking strewthhhh! What a lucky barstarddd… That should have been me!
Well one weekend JonnyC and mates land the chopper at their Pilbara secret gold discovery in the middle of nowhere and just so happen to bump into ‘Teddy’ Mead my fooking geologist from Artemis Resources, how lucky was that? Where he spills his guts to ‘Ted’ and tells him the ‘Jackanory! Fucking jackpot…. ‘Cause believe it or not we’ve also got mining licences right next door with the same rocks!!!! Am I a lucky barrrssstaddd or what?!?! ‘Ted’ phones me on his ‘BushTuckerTelephone’ screaming “Goldrush!!! Pilbara!!!, Purdeys Gold!!! Jackpot!! Get the ‘Tinnies’ in!” Get the ‘Titties in’ I say? It was a bad line hundreds of miles from civilisation. I thought he was in a strip club!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! How lucky am I? This only gets better. Remember I was telling ya about me being rescued by Aborigines and adopted into the ‘PumpyDumpy’ tribe? One of me ‘PumpDumpy’ tribal brothers, Mick ‘many names’ Shemasian, who runs Novo Resources (‘Many Names’ was also a Karratha Gold Prospector in Pilbara many years ago) rings up on his ‘Moby’ one day……. I just so happen to mention that there’s a ‘Bloke’ that’s found tonnes of gold nuggets in Pilbara when Mick says “Ya farking joking Blue? We’ve got licences there too!!! “That’s incredible” I shouted down me ‘Moby’ to Mick, Who’d fooking believe it!!!! OUR two companies Novo & Artemis who were based (originally) out of 34 Parliament Place Western Perth Australia? And we’ve worked together gazillions of times with our other ‘PumpyDumpy’ tribal brothers, fooooooking unbelievable!!! Blow me down with a ‘Wombats Dick’. Aren’t we two lucky barrsttards!!! A fucking Goldrush!!!!!! Again!!!
Anyways….. we’ve now got a working agreement between OUR two ‘Doosey’ companies, cause us both being elders of the PumpyDumpy tribe are honour bound ta ‘elp each other. So we’ve bought JonnyC out!!!! Cause JonnyC needed the money to buy some ‘Bait’, so don’t try ta find him cause he’s now ‘Gone Fishing’…. Now me and Micky have gotta keeeep the lid on our Global World leading Goldrush so we won’t be going ’round with handfuls of watermelon shaped gold nuggets or letting anyone in on the tonnes of gold that we’ve got and we certainly won’t be tweeting any thing about it or using online media forums. So you fellahs reading this just keep it under ya hat… We don’t want any fookers buying shares and increasing the SP In both of our Global Leading Goldrush companies. It’s a secret………
Now there’s a Cautionary ‘Bloody’ tale I want to let the ‘Jackaroos‘ in on before I get back ta me twitter…. I was in the City of London a month or so ago. having a ‘Yakkity Yak’ with me Broker Mates from Optiva at me Jermyn St Offices, (‘Cause we don’t work out of 34 Parliament Place Western Perth Australia anymore) I was telling them about a reputable investment banker from Coutts, Her Madges Bank no less. We was having a ‘Yabber’ on investments…. This ‘Bloke’ keeps trying sell me dodgy shares in dodgy companies…. “I’ve got an absolutely superb dividend paying stock for you Mr Liargas” Pipes up the fully qualified FCA regulated geezer. “What is it?” Says me, as the hairs on the back of me neck started standing up.. A ‘Bush
Signal’ that something wasn’t right…. “EDF Energy, a French company, they’re paying an 11% dividend and their shares are expected to go up by at least 50% over the next 3/4 years”. Straight away me mind went back to a mate of mine, another one of me ‘PumpyDumpy’ brothers, dearly departed Brett Kebble, who committed suicide by hiring some ‘Blokes’ to shoot him 7 times in the back of his nut! He told me, when we was on another ‘Walkabout’ of another one of our Global World leading companies, “Now listen ‘Davey Wavey’ (he says to me) in this world there are a lotta ‘Crims’ who’ll come ta ya telling ya ‘Tale Tales’ of riches beyond ya wildest dreams. Always check out their history ’cause 99.9% of ’em are only after ya cash so I have ta tell ya what the City of London police tell every victim of these scam shyster fookers. No matter what happens ta me Big Fellah “If it sounds too good to be true it usually is…”.
MEET Johnathon Campbell — the accidental rock-kicker who inadvertently kick-started a gold rush.
The ex-FIFO worker and musterer, whose discovery of so-called “watermelon-seed” gold nuggets has sparked an unprecedented run on the ASX, has done the deal of a lifetime to sell his leases to Canadian miner Novo.
But the father of six said he would be “just as happy if I’d never found the f… thing”.
After yet another week of sky-rocketing junior gold stocks — De Grey up 27 per cent, Artemis 39 per cent and Kairos 30 per cent — Mr Campbell confirmed the deal included:
$250,000 cash (already paid)
450,000 Novo shares once the leases are granted — at today’s price equates to more than $3.6 million.
$1 million discovery bonus in Novo shares or cash if drilling results show 250,000 ounces of gold on site.
1 per cent a year royalty if the operation goes into production.
Toronto-listed Novo is in a joint venture with Artemis Resources whose biggest shareholders are the globe-trotting WA entrepreneur David Lenigas and Dubai-based Mick “Many Names” Shemesian, a wealthy investor and former Karratha prospector.
Mr Campbell, 41, first flew over the leases in a mate’s helicopter when they were counting cattle in a remote area south of Karratha. After spotting a humpy, they landed the chopper and eventually found some man-made holes in rock.
“Initially we thought someone was running from the police … we couldn’t think why someone else was out so far, even prospectors,” he told The Sunday Times.After teaming up through a Facebook page with a local man armed with metal detectors, he returned to the site and, “hard as it is to believe, we just turned the metal detector on and it was just all go”.
“I just went out there for a day and realised this place was stinking hot with rocks, we just kept going there every weekend … we’d go down there with the four-wheel motorbikes and go for it,” he said.
Mr Campbell said he and his partners took anything between $5000 and $20,000 off the leases on “any given weekend” over a couple of months.
He said he put down Special Prospecting Licenses, which allowed prospectors to work bigger tenements owned by companies who were not doing anything with them, and pegged as much land as he could around the area.
Mr Campbell said the red-ridged spinifex ground had been pegged by two bigger miners, one of whom was Fox Resources which was in the process of having to surrender its ground due to lack of exploration. He swooped on the Fox Resources leases when they became available.
A couple of months later, when he met Artemis geologist Ed Mead — again after putting down the chopper in the back blocks of the Pilbara — he told him there was plenty of gold on Artemis land as the ASX-listed junior had the adjacent leases.
“I don’t think he believed me. That changed when he had another look,” he said.
While he wouldn’t go into details, Mr Campbell said he and his partners fell out over who owned what when “greed came into it”. Under the threat of legal action, he discovered that he could lose his house if the other two decided to sue him.
Even now, after shaking hands with Novo’s chief executive Quinton Hennigh to hand over the licences, the pressure on him to do “side deals” with others continues.
“This is why I hate it … they all seem to think they can get something out of each other. It is like the biggest game of chess I’ve ever seen in my life … you sign this, and we’ll buy that. People are still offering me millions,” he said.
While technically the leases were still in his name until Native Title approval, he said he couldn’t wait until the deal was complete.
“Hand on heart, I would have been just as happy if I’d never found the f… thing,” he said.
“I just want to buy some bait and go fishing.”