Dear Santa or Father Christmas. (As the Brits call you)
I know I’ve been a naughty boy promising investors huge amounts of oil production & returns on their capital since the year 2000. But I feel that after long years of miserable service (failure) I deserve one last Hurrah!
After all it’s not been easy keeping dreadful Sefton going for the last 12 years. They were 95p you know? There’s an art to driving down a share-price to a penny.
My Christmas Cake recipe is now legendery. First take some historically useless assets like Tapia Canyon, add placings throw in a free asset like Eureka Canyon with some more placings then add abandoned Kansas wells and acreage with some more placings (The mix is very important too many placings too close together & the cake will go flat) with a smattering of defunct rusty pipelines. Sprinkle with a large amount of debt lets say $12.2 million dollars then add another dollop of placings, fill with $20 million dollars of wasted cap-ex. Keep wrapping it up in RNS’s as & when needed while baking for 12 years. Keep talking utter bollocks as you stuff your pockets with pay, consultancy & pension entitlements, it gets me approx’ $800,000! a year! As Oliver Twist would say “Please Santa can I have some more?”
Santa just like you I have my “Little Helpers”. My favourite pet at the moment is Dr Green (Fork-Tongue). We like to call him “Forky” he’s been licking my ass for years; so much so that his tongue has split in two, turned black & is on the verge of falling out. It’s not the bullsh*t that’s turned it black it’s good honest ass-licking. So here’s my Christmas wish-List. Try your best Santa I always believed in fairies, as you know FANTASY is my middle name. For 12 days of Christmas I want.
1/Some more Private Investor Cash from another Placing. I know I’ve had 10 in the last 36 months so one more wont make any difference!
2/A Drawdown of my Equity Financing Facility Yes it will further dilute the capital but “hey ho” no one will know until it’s too late! (Genius!) Besides it’s been diluted by 4000% already.
3/Dr Ali Steamflood report for Xmas Dr Ali’s being very unreasonable here Santa he actually insists on being paid in full. The cheek of it! Whose going to fund it? We still need $50 million dollars!
4/A Merger with BP, Statoil or Chevron. I’d accept a piece in the press or a rumour started online about a “Takeover” I’ll speak to Forky asap!
5/Frost Bite in Brokermandan’s fingers & toes. No way he’ll be able to type then!
6/Another new NOMAD. Just in-case Allenby head for the door before bankruptcy kicks in
7/A brand new tongue for Dr Micheal Green. Not a forked one though! They don’t last.
8/A Merger with BP, Chevron, Shell or Nutcracker Oil Corp. If I keep saying it often enough BB nutters believe it
9/Tom Winnifrith to fall down one of our non-producing abandoned wells. We have so many to choose from!
10/A 1st class one way ticket back to USA when Seftie go tits up. It’s the least I deserve Santa! For 12 years of stringing along Brit’ investors.
11/A new identity. Just in-case a lynch-mob of busted share-holders try to track me down. I’d accept an invitation into the FBI witness protection scheme but alas I’m only a witness to greed & my own corruption! Still if you can swing it…...
12/A list of tried & tested well worn phrases for Share-Holders when we go belly-up. Oops! I already have that!
Yours Jimmy “FANTASY” Ellerton